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Your Default Settings


Buy a computer--any computer--and it comes loaded with software automatically set to certain default settings. For example, the default setting for Word is Times New Roman 12-point. Last week, as I presented one of my periodic Best Year Yet(R) programs, I found myself referring to default settings of the human variety. Human default settings are those areas of life where we unconsciously cooperate with limiting thoughts and behaviors that keep us from living our best lives.

A default setting in our lives can be anything from automatically turning on the television set when we walk into a room, to spending too much time surfing the net or checking email...it's usually brainless, time-stealing and rarely does it add value to our lives. Deeply entrenched default settings become beliefs like: "I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, educated enough...", (or any of a thousand variations). And just as documents pre-set with Times New Roman 12-point type have a consistent and readily identifiable look, our habits of thinking--default settings--produce results that are consistent with them as well. Default thought: "I don't have the right clothes (or whatever), so I can't start working out." Result: Not working out. Default thought: "I always have to be available for my clients." Result: No time to refill your own tank, ultimately leading to burnout.

Is it possible to change our human default settings? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not usually. But if you find yourself defaulting rather than designing how you want to live, work, or play, with commitment and consistency, you can override your automatic settings. Here are some steps to help you do it:

First, become aware of your default modes. You might start by making a list of things you do habitually that may not be useful or beneficial. Too much email or TV, not exercising, making excuses for not starting a project or growing your business, blaming others for what's happening (or not) in life, working too many hours, not pursuing a hobby, and always saying yes when you want to say no are just a few examples of default settings that may be keeping you stuck.

Secondly, notice the amount of excuse-making and rationalizing you generate around your default modes. You'll often recognize these monologues by their characteristic repetitive phrases: "I can't," "I have to," "When I get X, then I'll do Y," "It's only," or "Just this once."

Thirdly, see if you can drill down to the core issue that's really at cause. A few years ago I realized that I was a victim of "yes-itis," a behavior characterized by the tendency to say yes to everyone's requests for my time. I realized that my default setting was based on a belief that in order to be liked I always had to say yes. When I recognized it, I created a new internal message for myself: "I say no to others so I can say yes to myself." Then when my old default behavior came close to kicking in, I would remind myself of the new message. Eventually this became my default setting. And now, though I do occasionally slip, most of the time I at least stop to check my gut to ask whether this program or project is something I really want to do (is it a "yes" to myself?) before deciding to commit to it.

Finally, it helps to create options to steer you away from old, habitual patterns of behavior. If you have a habit of turning on the TV the minute you walk in the house, start by entering through a different door. If you tend to spend too much time on the computer, close the door to the room or office where your computer is located. If you work tend to work too much, schedule times to meet a friend that require you to leave the office earlier a couple of days a week. If it's saying yes to your own detriment, develop the habit of requesting 24 hours to think over any decisions before making a final commitment.

Ultimately we all get to choose the life we want to live. For some it will be based entirely on default settings, never questioning the beliefs or behaviors that dictate the quality of their lives. This week, I challenge you to examine your default settings to see if they are really adding to the richness of your life or just the convenience of it. Trust me, I'll be doing the same.

Betty

***********************
Quote of the Week

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com


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USA Today

Preview audiences praise Disney World's new American Idol attraction
Jim Hill Media.com, NH - 21 hours ago
Jim Hill shares what he's heard from WDW Cast Members who attended tech rehearsals for this new DHS attraction. Who say that -- despite some obvious flaws ...
American Idol Is "Going To Disney World" WFtv.com
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Washington Post

New Role Sought For Bruce Lee 'Love Hotel'
WISN.com, WI - 9 hours ago
... government appear to have reached an agreement to transform the late Bruce Lee's Kowloon mansion from a seedy "love hotel" into a tourist attraction. ...
Bruce Lee's last home to be turned into a tourist site: owner AFP
Enter the Museum: Bruce Lees Home Saved New York Times
Bruce Lee home to house his museum guardian.co.uk
Reuters UK - Bloomberg
all 251 news articles


Landmark national study reveals significance of green practices in ...
EurekAlert (press release), DC - 7 hours ago
Nearly 75% of 18-34 year olds say they are more likely to visit an attraction that is pursuing environmentally friendly practices. ...


Coins from Shivaji era main attraction at rare items expo
Times of India, India - 3 hours ago
PUNE: Two gold coins from the Shivaji era will be the main attraction at the exhibition-cum-auction organised by the International Collector's Society of ...


County's attractions, festivals draw tourists
Monroenews.com, MI - 9 hours ago
Silver Bells, a Christmas-themed shop in Dundee, is a growing attraction, and venues such as the River Raisin Jazz Series, River Raisin Jazz Festival and ...


How to Find the Right Law of Attraction Teacher
Meadow Free Press, ID - 18 hours ago
All teachers of the Law of Attraction do agree on the basics of this Law. Whatever vibration you emit will attract back to you, in some form, ...
Law of Attraction - Anger - Introspection and Knowing Yourself Meadow Free Press
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New attraction flutters into view
The News-Press, FL - 20 hours ago
The attraction/restaurant/gift shop on Fowler Street - four years in the making - starts operation Saturday, but had its grand opening on Wednesday. ...


COLUMN: Will Tassel twirling be Destin’s newest attraction?
Destin Log, FL - 12 hours ago
Stephenson says a nude-dancing club would add “an extra dimension of attraction. “You have golfers, you have fishermen. This is another reason to come to ...


NIAGARA FALLS: Plans for snow park attraction pushed back to summer
Niagara Gazette, NY - Jan 6, 2009
Originally slated to open last month, the planned Snow Park Niagara Falls attraction has been pushed back to June, as developers work with the city ...


An explosive mixture: Does attraction come down to science?
The Silhouette, Canada - 5 hours ago
One of the most fascinating aspects of human behavior is that of the attraction between two people. Throughout history many people have attempted to explain ...

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