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allspectrum.info Link exchange submission form: Featured Site Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction?
"Bad Boys". If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself. There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"! So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist. So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell? *calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together *not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology *never having any money when you are out * forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates *flirting openly with other women when you are together *hitting on your good friend(s) *making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others *is doing time for a serious felony Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar. * "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting." * "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him." * "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together." * "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does." * "He's so charming and passionate." * "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me." * "He needs me." * "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate." * "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him." Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem? Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?" The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues: *level of self-esteem *capacity for intimacy *roles that she has been in throughout her life If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs. If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers. If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available. If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction. If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships. Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship. Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without. Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values". Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you. Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.
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"The only thing it takes 365 days to change is a year" - Hypnotherapist David Block "If at any time you make a mistake and want to change your selection, press the star key on the telephone pad." - AMC 20 Movie Theater recording Both of the above quotes imply a radical shift in popular thinking about change. They imply that changes can be made quickly, and don't have to take a long, long time. I am constantly searching for the very best "change tools" I can find to help the people with whom I work. I look for tools that offer rapid and effective change, and meet at least three criteria: 1) Simple - any one can use them 2) Profound - they work quickly and they last 3) Dependable - they work just about every time Recently a friend shared with me a wonderful quote from professional speaker Brian Tracy that meets all these criteria and has the potential to be a very rapid and effective change tool. 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You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MORE RESOURCES: Goalies are the No.1 attraction - Sydney Morning Herald Goalies are the No.1 attraction Sydney Morning Herald, Australia - 2 hours ago A FEW years ago, when he was playing in the old NSL for Sydney Olympic and making save after save in what turned out to be a title-winning campaign, the ... Mane Attraction houses war artifacts - Webster County Journal Enterprise Mane Attraction houses war artifacts Webster County Journal Enterprise, KY - 5 hours ago ... Memorial Day has blossomed into what could be considered a historical museum centered on local residents and their relatives at The Mane Attraction in Dixon. ... 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An angry, negative mood causes the pupils to contract (become smaller). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Limiting Perceptions and Broadening Horizons If you live in modern society I'm sure at some point in your life you've sat in a window seat of an airplane looking down at the fluffy blanket of clouds and thought to yourself, 'Wow, it's so big and flat, fluffy and soft, I wonder what it would feel like to lay down on that super-soft mattress.' Well, think about what Socrates, Lao Tsu, Confucius, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Moses or Mohammed would have thought if they saw the same sight that we pretty much take for granted as 'normality'. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Law of Attraction in Action Would you like to be able to experience more of what brings you joy in your life? Do you have unmet wants and desires that have left you feeling unfulfilled in some areas of your life? Were you taught that it is our desires that make us unhappy? Whoever taught us that desire is a bad thing was an unempowered person!Desire is a beautiful thing! It is desire that birthed this world, and it is desire that draws us together to create new life, both physically and metaphysically.Imagine for a moment that you have a genie in a bottle, or a secret potion or wand that, that gives you the power to zap into being more of what you wish for. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 Powerful Steps To Unleashing Your Creative Self There is a thread of certainty that runs through many lives. It is sensed as a measured and anticipated rhythm of predictability built upon our notions of how things have been and how they will continue to be. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Giving Thanks - A Universal Gift In the USA we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November every year. 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There is something about the idea of being able to start over that motivates us to pause (at least briefly) and reflect on our lives as they are, as well as how we would like them to be. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Keys To Faster Evolution Prosperity is management of positive energy. It's individual capacity to pour energy out in the world and re-circulate back in our life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What the Samurai Can Teach Us About Self-Improvement A Seventeenth Century Samurai maxim states:"A man who has attained mastery of an art reveals it in his every action"This saying is one of my personal favorites. There is so much depth to its meaning. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bigger Fish To Fry Last month I was on another adventure, fishing Dog Lake in Northern Ontario. That trip really brought home to me the power of the Law of Attraction. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jerry Green's Top Ten Adversity Busters I've navigated plenty of speed bumps on life's road. My father's death led me to an entirely different career than my planned one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Affirmations Based on Rich Dad, Poor Dad I'm sure most of you have heard of, and perhaps read the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it along with his book "Cashflow Quadrant. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Turn Whats Bothering You Into A Blessing That which you desire to remove from your life is a blessing that you haven't yet learned to appreciate. For life does not send misfortune upon you it sends you only love. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your Vibrational Meter Have you ever felt 'stuck' in life? I mean totally 'stuck'--immobilized, paralyzed or unable to make the right decision?Several years ago, I felt totally stuck. I was considering a business opportunity that seemed like an ideal situation for me and promised to be very lucrative as well. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Courage To Be Someone New Have you ever felt paralyzed or crippled by fear? As a businesswoman, producer, and model through my various business ventures, I've felt fearful from time to time. And I'm sure that, like me, you've found that you can accomplish little when you're afraid -- and almost nothing if you let fear of what might happen seize you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wanderers How a few people become the worst victims of life's game, or to call it their own fate. How they are compelled to analyze life, wasting most of their time meant to prove themselves in the real world. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- home | site map |
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